Dig Down Deep. Episode 1. Parenting v Caretaking
Alright, I want to start of with a statement which is more of a personal opinion that the 90's generation, the later millennials in particular who are almost 25 years of age and will probably marry in about 5-10 years. Now what I think is that this group of people when they have kids, they are probably going to be the best parents till date. Now obviously every new generation is better than the previous one and also this statement won't be universally applicable, but the facts support this statement in my opinion, this generation is the most culturally diverse, so the future might be more accepting towards all races and faiths, they are a generation which knows and understands both the pre internet and the post internet times which is a huge advantage in terms of perspective, they are not afraid to put their thoughts out and know the emphasis of listening, they are woke, probably virtuous as well to some extent and most of these guys tend to understand and adapt to a lifestyle of a perfect blend of money as well happiness, most of these people reject the idea of just making money throughout their life the fact you see new and innovative professions surfacing up every now and then is a prove of that. Another reason why I gave out this statement is the fact that they won't have kids just for the sake of someone to hold onto in old age or to keep the family running, for this generation having a kid would actually take a lot of thinking, we research for like a week before buying a new phone, and this is a baby I'm talking about so definitely a lot of thought is going to be involved in the process and obviously when you think about something before doing it, most of the times you get somewhere nice. So yeah, all you upcoming parents, I hope what I said ages well and I've not jynxed it. Hopefully you guys will lead humanity to a better place.
Now I'm not talking about parenting without a reason. And one of the huge reason is that I have been living with my family like all of us are doing, at this time of COVID 19 and I can sense this huge pit between me and my parents which seems none of us are able to fill to a satisfactory level. I'm sure most of you relate to this.
And this made me think, why is it like this.? And why is it not being addressed, are we not trying enough? Or have we given up and think it's impossible to find a mutual ground.
I think the problem lies in how we perceive these two terms which are parenting and caretaking. Indian parents are excellent caretakers. They'll feed you till you reach a age in which you can figure out stuff for yourself, they'll feed you for even a longer period as well, at times. They are gonna take care of you, give you shelter, make sure you do all the stuff to take care of yourself, suggest you to do yoga in the morning, give you weird Ayurvedic stuff to eat. And all of this they do with full dedication which I find to be beautiful. They'll often go out of their way to provide you with something, a new phone maybe, or a new laptop, we all have such examples. So when it comes to caretaking, Indian parents are nailing it.
But when it comes to parenting, they cover it with a very shallow viewpoint, they don't tend to consider the psychological, biological, and sociological aspects that their child is associated with. The reason behind this might be their own upbringing, when they were growing up, no one answered their questions.
No one talked to them and answered their questions on metaphysics, existence, life, sex and what not. No one told them about emotions and feelings and how to express them in a healthy way and unfortunately for them they did not had internet to know about all this stuff so that is why that part just does not exist in their upbringing. And that is what they reciprocate because obviously this is the first time they doing parenting right.? And that is why when we ask our parents the whys? And the hows? They don't have the answers most of the times and if they do they are not convincing enough or they probably would want you figure out like they did because the concept of talking about stuff is quite foreign to them. This creates an environment that does not support the act of questioning and eventually kills the process of engagement and discussing ideas and talking about life because you realize that there are gonna be two outcomes, either you'll get a non satisfactory answer or you won't get an answer at all and you'll be shut down, so there's no point discussing it. Well, that is the way it probably has to be. I'm still their child and they are still my parents, so what we are tuned differently.?
That's absolutely fair in my opinion, but before you go to sleep ask yourself a question. If you die tonight ? Will your parents be able to say that they knew you? And if you think the answer is a 'no' well I think that's a little sad and ironic that we couldn't even maintain a proper relationship with the people who brought us into this life and yet we talked about changing the world all our lives.
There are two ways things can go, either you agree with what I have said fully or partially or you have never faced anything like this and all this sounds foreign to you. Now whatever the case is I think this quote by American abolitionist Frederick Douglass is what all of us should keep in mind when it comes to the art of parenting. Frederick says, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” Now this quote is so simple and yet it talks about a lot of things so effectively that it makes you really think. When you raise a child you are actually raising a part of humanity. A part of life. Which will be around after you are gone, and which will represent you, your ideas, your thoughts, your vision, the life of human on this planet is limited, his legacy is not.
So, you who are listening to this podcast, whatever your age is, connect with your kids if you have them, connect with your parents if you don't have kids. For life is too short to not know the people who gave birth to you. Tell them about your ideas, your struggles, your fears, your anxieties like you tell them to your friends or partner, build a meaningful relationship with them and don't just stick around because you are supposed to do so.
Now I'm not talking about parenting without a reason. And one of the huge reason is that I have been living with my family like all of us are doing, at this time of COVID 19 and I can sense this huge pit between me and my parents which seems none of us are able to fill to a satisfactory level. I'm sure most of you relate to this.
And this made me think, why is it like this.? And why is it not being addressed, are we not trying enough? Or have we given up and think it's impossible to find a mutual ground.
I think the problem lies in how we perceive these two terms which are parenting and caretaking. Indian parents are excellent caretakers. They'll feed you till you reach a age in which you can figure out stuff for yourself, they'll feed you for even a longer period as well, at times. They are gonna take care of you, give you shelter, make sure you do all the stuff to take care of yourself, suggest you to do yoga in the morning, give you weird Ayurvedic stuff to eat. And all of this they do with full dedication which I find to be beautiful. They'll often go out of their way to provide you with something, a new phone maybe, or a new laptop, we all have such examples. So when it comes to caretaking, Indian parents are nailing it.
But when it comes to parenting, they cover it with a very shallow viewpoint, they don't tend to consider the psychological, biological, and sociological aspects that their child is associated with. The reason behind this might be their own upbringing, when they were growing up, no one answered their questions.
No one talked to them and answered their questions on metaphysics, existence, life, sex and what not. No one told them about emotions and feelings and how to express them in a healthy way and unfortunately for them they did not had internet to know about all this stuff so that is why that part just does not exist in their upbringing. And that is what they reciprocate because obviously this is the first time they doing parenting right.? And that is why when we ask our parents the whys? And the hows? They don't have the answers most of the times and if they do they are not convincing enough or they probably would want you figure out like they did because the concept of talking about stuff is quite foreign to them. This creates an environment that does not support the act of questioning and eventually kills the process of engagement and discussing ideas and talking about life because you realize that there are gonna be two outcomes, either you'll get a non satisfactory answer or you won't get an answer at all and you'll be shut down, so there's no point discussing it. Well, that is the way it probably has to be. I'm still their child and they are still my parents, so what we are tuned differently.?
That's absolutely fair in my opinion, but before you go to sleep ask yourself a question. If you die tonight ? Will your parents be able to say that they knew you? And if you think the answer is a 'no' well I think that's a little sad and ironic that we couldn't even maintain a proper relationship with the people who brought us into this life and yet we talked about changing the world all our lives.
There are two ways things can go, either you agree with what I have said fully or partially or you have never faced anything like this and all this sounds foreign to you. Now whatever the case is I think this quote by American abolitionist Frederick Douglass is what all of us should keep in mind when it comes to the art of parenting. Frederick says, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” Now this quote is so simple and yet it talks about a lot of things so effectively that it makes you really think. When you raise a child you are actually raising a part of humanity. A part of life. Which will be around after you are gone, and which will represent you, your ideas, your thoughts, your vision, the life of human on this planet is limited, his legacy is not.
So, you who are listening to this podcast, whatever your age is, connect with your kids if you have them, connect with your parents if you don't have kids. For life is too short to not know the people who gave birth to you. Tell them about your ideas, your struggles, your fears, your anxieties like you tell them to your friends or partner, build a meaningful relationship with them and don't just stick around because you are supposed to do so.
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